Speak Softly - Mama's Reading: Table For Eight

Are They All Yours?!

As a family of five, and soon to be six, I couldn't wait to see what treasures I'd find in the book about raising a large family, Table For Eight by Meagan Francis. Personally, I was already getting "the looks" just having three boys. And I really was in for a shock (and I'm not easily surprised) when I started getting the comments and stares as I'd walk along pregnant, with my three sons trailing behind. It seems we're living in an era where having more than two children is quite the "show" instead of normal.

I was eager to ask Meagan what her main motivation was in writing Table For Eight.

She explains, It was the realization when I became pregnant with #4 that I knew very few people in real life who had more than two, at most three kids. I went online to find other moms of big families--particularly moms of REALLY big families--to find out how they run their households, raise their kids and deal with ignorant comments. I found such a wealth of information from real in-the-trenches experts--parents raising lots of kids!--that I thought, "Gee, somebody should compile all these great ideas and resources into a book!" and the idea was born.

And of course, because everyone was wondering (and I hate when I'm asked this question myself) I asked if she plans on having more children...

Well, come next March I'll be mom to five (assuming I am pregnant with just one--yikes!). Currently there are no plans to have another--though if you'd asked me the same question six months ago I'd have said the same thing. One thing that's crazy about having four kids is that it really opened me up to the idea that more would be great--I thought going from three kids to four was just going to kill me, and it wasn't the case at all. If anything, I've become more patient, accepting and laid-back with each kid (and by necessity, more organized.) That's not to say I'm some kind of goddess--just that my expectations have shifted and it now seems easier to parent four kids than it used to feel to parent two. I think what I'm learning is that "never say never" is the wisest response to those kinds of questions, at least for me. However...if we have more than five, we will outgrow our minivan, and that's definitely a consideration!

I was interested in Meagan's take on the major assumptions that many people might have about large families.

There are so many...but I think the one that really bothers me the most is that people who enjoy children and like having a lot of them around are somehow strange or 'off.' I think there is sort of this expectation that we're supposed to have our obligatory two kids, put in our time, then get back to life...that if we want a busier, noisier household, or don't mind being sidetracked from work or balancing kids and work for an extended period of time, or if we just plain feel like having kids in our life makes life better, that we are just kidding ourselves, or otherwise not very interesting or fulfilled...etc. And that's just crap. I have always loved having lots of people around me--not strangers, so much, but lots of loved ones. My life is interesting and fulfilling and I'm not having children to fill some kind of hole or emptiness. I just plain...like my kids!

 

The other assumption that irks me is that if you have more than two kids you can't possibly give them enough attention or love. Parents learn how to deal with the challenges they are given, whether it's a child with special needs, demands on your life from outside forces, closely-spaced kids or multiples, etc. Raising a big family is just another challenge that parents can very successfully work within. You don't raise four kids exactly the same way you'd raise two, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's just different. My kids get plenty of love and attention, but even though they sometimes do have to wait their turn or put their own wants aside for the good of the "unit", they also get a lot from each other...and they will have their siblings in their lives for much longer than I'll be around.

I love Meagan's honesty and willingness to impart to us what she's learned from the front lines as a Mom to many. Table For Eight is the perfect read for the growing family as well as the family with only one or two children. For those of you that need a bit of support and helpful advice as you move about in this world where "smaller" seems more acceptable, you'll find much you can relate to and will turn each page encouraged. And for those of you that just would like to put aside the popular misconceptions and truly understand what it really is like to have a large family, read on. You're in for a good ride- albeit in a mini van full of car seats- but it's a good ride nonetheless.

Win it!
We're giving away a copy of Table for Eight. To enter, email giveaways[at]mamaspeaks.com with 8 as your subject. Giveaway ends 08.19.08

-Steph